AACCS Young Adult Feature
Psalms and Ecclesiastes: Seasons of Life and the Young Adult (Page 2 of 4)
As the young adult emerges from the crisis of identity, s/he now encounters the next life challenge, the search for a lifelong partner and mate. Erikson calls this particular stage of life intimacy vs. isolation. Here, intimacy involves more than sexual intimacy. It is an ability to share oneself with another person of either sex without fear of losing personal identity.2
The crisis triggered during the rite of finding a boyfriend / girlfriend, let alone a marriage partner, can indeed be one of life's most difficult challenges. Look through the periodicals rack at the local supermarket or bookstore and you'll find numerous magazines with stories about how to "succeed" with the opposite sex.
Books on the subject of romance and relationships abound... and has anyone else noticed that there's a lot more TV shows about dating than there used to be?
As if the pursuit of romance was not difficult enough, adequate in itself to trigger a personal crisis, this developmental stage is actually multifaceted. Part of a young adult's self-esteem is rooted in their success with relationships and romance. Dr. Jeff Louie, Senior Pastor of Sunset Chinese Baptist Church in San Francisco, believes that "there's nothing tougher than being a single young adult" in today's society. Society places expectations, sometimes unrealistic, on young adults as it relates to dating and marriage, for example, the idea that "normal" young adults are either getting married, engaged, or at least in a committed relationship. The single young adult must address questions and inquiries from family and friends alike as to their present success (or lack thereof) with opposite gender relationships to defend his/her self-worth. The self-esteem and self-image of young adults is often dependent on their success with romance and relationships.
Successful resolution of the crisis during intimacy vs. isolation, though, may have more to do with one being at peace with oneself and with others as to their status as a single person, a married person, or elsewhere on the continuum between singleness and marriage. In other words, successful resolution of the crisis presented during intimacy vs. isolation may depend less on finding successful romance and more dependent on personal satisfaction and acceptance of one's dating or marital status as an individual whose self-esteem and self-perception is grounded in a broader foundation than merely appeal to the opposite sex.
Frequently, people view crises as results of snafus, bad choices, mistakes, or some other error, crisis being the punishment for these blunders. What Erikson argues is that crisis is not always a "deserved punishment," but instead crisis is an important mechanism of growth. The process of rethinking, reanalyzing, rebuffing, and reconstructing confusing ideas and experience during a personal crisis, be it over one's identity or one's relationships, is what leads to greater personal development and maturity.